It's been weeks and I finally had a good practice this afternoon. I'm not sure if it was mental, physical, or both but on the water, I've been feeling like a steaming pile of shit.
The training center is burning me out. I'm hardly ever by myself. When I am, my mind is just as noisy as my company. Sometimes I just want to have dinner in quiet. But the dining hall is always packed. I feel like I'm living in my email account and I'm constantly being bombarded with spam. I'm always approached with volunteer opportunities or invitations to focus groups. All I would like to do is enjoy my green tea soy misto in silence.
I miss home. I miss having my own kitchen. I miss playing my music and watching what I want to watch on TV. Yeah, I'll admit it, I don't like sharing. Kindergarten was the only grade I went to and somehow I missed all the sharing is caring lessons.
I had an interesting conversation with one of my team mates last night. She is a close friend of mine, but we don't spend very much time with each other. We have very different training styles so we tend not to do workouts together.
We talked about our team, and she mentioned how we really need to unite and push each other more than we do. She talked about how its much easier to race and train when you're doing it for someone other than yourself.
It sort of struck a nerve with me. I realize I like to do things by myself and for myself; by making that choice I think I am dampening the experience.
Most of the time I'm surrounded by people and I still end up feeling lonely. Maybe what I'm looking for is right here. There are a million people here in my same position and maybe all I need to do is make them my family. Maybe, the team mates who I hate training with are my blessing in disguise.
It's just something for me to think about.
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