Hi Everyone,
I just finished my last race of the weekend.
I did not get the results I wanted. However, I'm very complete. I had an outstanding doubles (K2) race yesterday. I got 2nd which makes my boat the alternate boat to compete at the second Olympic qualifier and/or the Olympic Games. The kayak-four got second as well. My team was amazing. We were so committed to being a team and we came together in a way that made this experience unbelievably moving for me. When we completed our race, placing second, we finished with our hearts on the line.
Yes, it hurts beyond belief...I imagine this is what it feels like to end an 8 year relationship...but it was okay to feel so hurt. I acknowledged that its part of feeling alive; to feel that sickeningly hurt. But I know I put everything into it...everything. I also know that I'm an amazing athlete and I'm so proud to be where I am and to be capable of what I know I'm capable of. I can do 40 pull-ups. heh.
My younger brother won his doubles(K2) race yesterday. I had just gotten off the water from competing in my race, so I missed his. Then someone said "yeah your brother won". I burst into tears...my baby brother just won Olympic Trials! I'm the proudest big sister in the world. He also said to me "well, if you hadn't done what you've done with kayaking, I wouldn't be here."
He has kind of followed in my foot steps over the years...and seeing him do well is also seeing a part of me do well and knowing that I've had a hand in helping create that with him.
When you feel this much pain over a two minute race, it is moving. You feel connected to everything around you. I can't even describe it...but somehow it feels good to feel this incredibly heartbroken. That may or may not make sense.
This takes nothing away from the magical year I've had training for the Olympic Games. The Olympic movement is fully alive in my spirit and I've had the opportunity to learn an unmeasurable amount of things this year...about training, committment, spirituality, and communtiy.
I just wanted to share that with you all.
Thanks for being part of this goal with me.
So, now what right?
Well, after a gigantic ice cream sundae with every topping imaginable...anything is possible.
Miracles happen in life and in sport, and that will always be where I stand.
Love, Susannah
