Finally, I'm enjoying a change in scenery. It feels lovely already. I can smell the ocean and there is a bit of humidity in the air. It's a nice change to Chula Vista's June gloom in February.
I was sitting in the San Diego Airport and as the plane was boarding I thought about not getting on. I could just call Jen and have her pick me up and pretend I was never supposed to come here.
Although it may sound like a vacation coming here, it's not. The training is going to be very hard and I will have endless amounts of time to myself. Time to myself is pleasurable at first. However, it's also somewhat confronting. You don't have any distractions and noise to shield you from the truth. After you run out of things to research on the Internet, get tired of watching TV, run out of books to read, and stop posting picture son myspace you are left with your thoughts.
I think it's important to be left with your thoughts, in hopes of sorting them out. However, sometimes the time alone plays tricks on them. Out of boredom you become more dramatic and change the meanings of the simplest thoughts.
The last time I trained in Melbourne I was healing a broken heart. I didn't realize that's what I was doing until now. I trained, ate, slept, and relived an entire relationship and break-up over and over again. Yeah, it's not the healthiest thing probably, but it did help me focus a lot of aggression on my paddling.
I hope this trip doesn't turn out to be another pity fest. I don't think I could tolerate the melodrama of it. I've already gotten over the initial depression that initiated my trip here. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel; it continues to get brighter. Therefore, I refuse to let this be a pity fest. Instead, I will treat it as a rebirth, a refocus, and a chance to recreate my old life anew.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well first of all, I'm a firm believer that you can. Second, I'm not old yet.
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